


Reckless Ranting

by KazBaz



Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gay, Gen, Love, M/M, Magic, Rants, Slow Burn, SnowBaz
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-13
Updated: 2018-07-13
Packaged: 2019-06-09 15:38:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15270696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KazBaz/pseuds/KazBaz
Summary: Simon ranting to Baz about what home really means to him and how Baz handles this news. Will Baz reveal how close their definitions are?





	Reckless Ranting

**Author's Note:**

> Totally new to this and happy to be joining this community :) I have read almost every SnowBaz story haha and decided to try my own. I may make some edits along the way as the story develops, but I have a clear idea where this will end! No beta, so please leave comments if the editing is atrocious. Thanks! Excited to be here :)

**Baz**

Snow was mumbling to himself again while I was trying to read. When he gets frustrated about schoolwork he starts to talk out loud while he chews the edge of his sweatshirt. It's horribly disgusting....and kind of cute. I mean disgusting, yes disgusting. But the mumbling has _got_ to stop.

"Snow...I'm trying to read here"

He looks up, sweatshirt still in his mouth..."Trying? Not going well? Need reading lessons Baz?" Snow said with a vicious smirk.

I want to laugh, that wasn't so bad. I think he has picked up some comeback tricks from me. When we first came to Watford he would get all tongue-tied, blush, and babble his words and end with a "well...ya you...you too Baz" and stomp away. Somehow by the end of 6th year he got snappier and wittier. Not going to lie...it's a little sexy. In return picked up shrugging from him. It used to piss me off when I would ask him a question and he would just shrug. Now I get to do the same. This morning he asked if I used his towel... _I did_...but I just shrugged. "Baz, seriously...that was my last clean towel, did you use it? Where is it?" _Shrug_. **Ha!** That really pissed him off, he stormed out of the room forgetting he had no shirt on and quickly stormed back in. Numpty.

Anyway...I just glower at him disregarding his stupid comeback and he smirks to the left, my favorite lopsided grin. I need to look away or the blood will rush to my cheeks quicker than I can blink.

"Funny Snow, I believe I am first in our year...My reading skills are top notch", I say into my book.  
  
I dare to glance back at him and he rolls his eyes at me and turns to face his work again, but he still has a hint of that smile. So innocent. I could never deserve him in a million years...which I may or may not be alive for. ugh.

"Snow....what's up with the mumbling...seriously, it's driving me mad." I huff out.

He looks me dead in the eyes and bounces his eyebrows thrice, in a suggestive flirty manner, "Mad huh? Got it bad for me then?".  
  
I think I just blacked out, did that really happen? I can feel my face turn pink and curse the amount of blood I drank earlier. I literally have no comeback, for the first time in my life. He chuckles while shaking his head and looks back to his notebook. Does he know? Is he just joking with me? We never joke; what in the world is going on?!

I start to look back at my own work as I say "you're going to accidentally mumble a crazy spell and transport us all to the underworld or something." Apparently golden boy's hearing is top notch today because he replies...

"Isn't that where you are from Baz, can't you just go on your own without my accidental spells? Visit some family while you're there, hm?"

No...no he didn't. He didn't exactly say my Mum, but I know he was implying it. She's the only family I know that's passed. I get up in one swift movement and tower over him, "what did you say?!"

He blushes a little, "Geez Baz, I was only kidding...".

"Don't joke about my mum like that, **Simon**. It's cruel" I choke out in a whisper that catches in my throat. I go to turn away but he grabs my sleeve.

"Crowley, Baz...shit...I didn't mean it like that, I wasn't thinking. I never  _think_  I'm sorry ok?" He looks me straight in the eyes and is still holding onto my sleeve. My wrist is burning where his index finger is grazing my wrist. I just blink and nod but don't dare to move. "Seriously Baz, I know what it's like to miss one's parents. But I never knew my mum, I cannot imagine that feeling of knowing and loving someone and _then_ losing them. I know it hurts you, I know you loved her more than anyone. I am truly sorry, I promise I was only joking with you. _Seriously_. I liked that we were talking civilly for like 2 minutes...".   
  
I nod again, give a weak smile, and turn to go sit back down but he pulls me back again by the sleeve and is grinning. I wait...but nothing comes out of his mouth. "Did I miss the joke...? Why are you smiling you complete buffoon?"

"You called me **Simon** ," he says with a bigger smile.

My eyes widen ever so slightly as I realize I did indeed call him Simon. I shift back into my icy demeanor, "No I didn't..." I retort and blink a few times as if I am completely bored by this conversation, hoping he doesn't catch on to my slight panic.

"Ya...ya you did" he smiles his lopsided, toothy grin and is still holding my sleeve. Crowley someone just kill me...

He tugs it gently while raising his eyebrows, looking for confirmation. The index finger still burning into my wrist makes me weak and I admit it. "Ok, what about it? So I called you by your _given_ name. Sue me! What's your point with this!?"  
  
"Nothing." he smiles and releases my sleeve and looks back down at his book, still grinning. He takes his sweatshirt back into his mouth and begins to chew. I am just left completed and utterly confused as to what happened and why.

I go back to my bed and get under the covers. I pause for a few moments before I speak again. "Snow...what is it you are studying anyway and why the constant mumbling? Seriously?" I say in a way too gentle tone.

I think he notices my tone, not so combative. He doesn't answer right away, but then he drops the sweatshirt from his mouth. I just sit there like an idiot waiting...not moving to even go back to my work. (What has gotten into me today?)  
  
He sighs...and closes his eyes briefly and really tight. "If I don't pass this test in Magickal Law...I am going to fail" he whines. Then he picks up speed and his face gets all red when he continues on a rant:

"And if I fail...then I can't graduate and if I can't graduate I am going to be here all alone for another year without anyone I know without Penny, without Agatha, without Trixie, without Garreth, without Ebb who decides to RETIRE ON ME, without...well without...even...umm without _you_." He whispers that last part, never looking at me and looking down the whole time. "And I don't know...I just don't want to be here another year without anyone that makes me feel like I'm home, ya know? And I am freaking out a little bit, well a lot, and I cannot get these testimonies memorized from this case that was like a ZILLION years ago because I can barely understand olde English, and I am also ReAlLy hungry and **ABOUT TO EAT MY GOSH DARN SWEATERRRR."** He yells the last part, his face as scarlet as the red sweatshirt he's been gnawing on. He exhales long and dramatic. And I can tell he was... _is_...really worked up. His eyes are glazed over and he's all sweaty now. Oh, Snow.  
  
I tread lightly...even _I_ know this is not the time to be cruel. "Wow....that may be the most I have ever heard you talk Snow. I didn't know you even knew that many words" (ok not  _that_  cruel..I had to b/c it's honestly true).   
  
He just throws me a side glance, isn't even bothered by the insult, and shrugs. Man, I need to work on my insult game if I can't even faze Snow who is offended by everything. I don't know what to say...so in true egotistical fashion...."You mentioned me in your...reckless, catastrophic rant." I remain gentle in my tone, "Was that just you listing people you know or...is that something you truly are afraid of. Not being around me? Is that b/c you can't plot my demise if I am not nearby?" I ask nervously. I want a different answer than I think he is going to give me.

He sighs and rubs his face in his hands, "Look...Baz...I know we aren't friends...or even civil roommates most of the time. But you...you're..." he pauses and my breath hitches.

"What?" I ask...basically pleading (thank Merlin I can mask my voice).

He shakes his head and refuses to answer. He won't look at me. Please just look at me Snow. "Snow, just tell me. It's fine." Trying to sound nice is hard sometimes, but I think I am pulling off a sincere tone. Please look at me.

He does. He looks at me, making eye contact for the first time since his heated speech. "Baz, you're...um... you're  **home** ". I blink rapidly and don't say a word. He continues, in true Snow rant fashion.            

"As sucky as that is, a home where someone hates even the sight of me, ha, but you're still my home. Every summer I go somewhere new and meet a new family and a new group of kids. I am always the chump of the group since I am the new kid. Dealing with you for years has toughened me up, so I don't mind that so much. What I mind is...feeling like nothing is ever truly mine. Nothing is ever warm, comforting, or at least familiar. Even at Watford...we get new students, teachers are different every year, we are with different classmates, not always our friends. Things change at Watford all the time too. But you...this room...this is home. This stays. Baz, I know your scent-the soap and shampoo you use. I know your shower schedule. Most people think black is your favorite color...but I know it's green, not light green, dark green. You love football more than school, although you'll never admit it. I see your face light up on that field. You complete school work out of duty, not love. You scrunch up your nose when you're frustrated. You need at least two pillows to be comfortable. You hum when you do math, you get into the formula rhythm and lose yourself. You're always calm, cool and collected. But I can tell when you are not. It's a slight change, but it's there. I know you steal my towels, and it drives me crazy...but it's the same and I expect it. It's like I'm mad but comforted at the same time? When you pretend to be reading your eyes glaze over, I know you're thinking and just moving the pages, not really invested. Your eyes get a whimsical look, so I assume it's a nice daydream. I always wish i could read your mind. You make your bed starting on the right side and always flip your mattress exactly every 2 months. And I know you keep salt n' vinegar crisps under your bed and eat them when you think I am sleeping."  
  
His eyes adjust as if he realizes he just rambled for almost 5 minutes, turning a deeper red..."Baz...I know you hate me...and I know we aren't friends...but you're still my home. You're still the one thing that is constant in my life besides Penny. But I don't know her habits, the personal information you learn when you live with someone. I know our circumstance is different than like...people in a relationship" [OMG I'm dying] "...but I notice these things. I don't even know those things about her. Although I feel like I'm about to die in your presence....that oddly is comforting too, haha, it's at least constant". He looks down again, "when you were gone at the beginning of this year, I felt so alone again. Like I was back in a new foster home and needed to learn everything all over. I was afraid you weren't coming back. I looked everywhere for you, hoping you were just plotting my demise somewhere and would pop out from around the corner. Something, anything. But you didn't. I couldn't eat or sleep without knowing where you were. My home was broken yet again. It was horrible. I bought salt n' vinegar crisps, the brand you like, to try and bait you. I kept extra clean towels, just in case. I..slept in your bed a few times hoping you would somehow know, because you were watching and get pissed and pop out. but...well you didn't...of course". [He looks embarrassed by that, ashamed] "...I wish I knew what happened to you, it hurt that you wouldn't tell me. But I get it...we aren't friends, why would you want to tell me anything?..." he lingers off with his words and shakes his head as if trying to rid the words he just spoke from his mouth.

  
"I was kidnapped"...I barely whisper so fast. I didn't think I would have a voice left after his speech, the lump in my throat was surely to prevent any words from coming out. But they did.

"What..." he says. "You were...wait, what?!" He's looking at me now, fists clench to his side, angry.

I dare to make a bold move and go to sit on the edge of his bed. His eyes follow me, never leaving my face. He swallows. Such a scene when he swallows.  
  
"Baz, seriously...what do you mean? Kidnapped? By who? Why? How did you escape? Tell me!", he yells.

He's all red again, already, Crowley. I want to say it's none of his business just like I had a million times when I got back when he questioned me every second of every day. But after hearing that I, Baz Pitch, monster doomed for hell...is golden boy's "home"...I feel like I owe him this. Just this little bit.

"I was kidnapped by numpties. And...well...stuffed in a coffin." Simon's eyes flutter downward at hearing 'coffin'. "I know you know, I'm not even going to deny it Snow. But they gave me a little blood to survive every other week. Fiona eventually found me and killed the numpties."

His eyes are wide and glassy. "Why would numpties kidnap you, what did they want?"

"Well, I assume they wanted money. I am sure they were told the ransom to be paid would be theirs if they kidnapped me. But Pitches don't pay ransoms, so it took a bit longer to find me...I have my theories as to who is behind hiring the numpties...but not 100% sure"  
  
"Who...", he asks.

"You know who I think Snow..." I glance gently at him. I don't want to rile him back up.

Simon just nods his head and looks to the side, eyes still glassy. He takes one big breath and looks back at me, a little bit angry. But in a small voice he says..."I wish I had known, I would've helped" and he gulps slow...such a scene again. *ugh....hot*

"Thanks," I say with a small grin, a little embarrassed now as the room goes quiet.  
  
\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Look...Snow...I didn't know you went to a foster home every summer. Shit...I'm...ugh this is hard to say....but I'm _sorry_. I always thought you went with the Mage. I wish I had known...I feel bad about not knowing. I'm sorry, that must be horrible. I can see why coming back here is important, and what you're used to me being around. I can't believe I am about to say this, but I feel bad that I am what you happened to get used to." I feel tears prick in my eyes. "I shouldn't be your home, you deserve better than me, I know you will someday. Just you wait" I look up with a smile, feeling my glassy eyes calming a bit and wink. I FUCKING WINK....what is WRONG with me.  
  
He smiles. Not a smirk, a full-grown golden smile...not what I was expecting with a tinged pink face."Tyrannus Basilton Grimm-Pitch....just said I'm sorry...to me? What a day, what a day" he laughs nervously and focuses back on the books in front of him. I can't help it but I laugh too. We sit there laughing low, breathy, awkward laughs, the kind where you're lost in your own thoughts and avoiding each other's eyes. There is definitely a weirdness here...but a nice weirdness?

But then he looks up at the same time I do and we lock eyes. There is a heaviness there too, a sadness in Snow's eyes. I wish I could kiss it away. But of course, he doesn't want that, he just feels comfortable knowing I am the same asshole when he comes back. He didn't confess his love to me or something. So I sigh a little and break eye contact while I lift myself off his bed. He lets me. And I go back to reading, well  _faking_ that I'm reading. (I guess I do indeed do that, huh) How can one focus after all that? Simon is quiet the rest of the night and we don't even glance at each other again.


End file.
